PSA

When you're in a relationship, you're equal partners, not another person's bitch. You should not be giving up self respect and dignity in exchange for love. That's not how it's supposed to work. Everyone says what it is supposed to be, people more often than not forget to mention what it isn't. 

It isn't about letting go of your identity. 

It isn't about letting yourself be disrespected just for the sake of all the emotions you've invested. 

Will there be a few hiccups? That's only natural.  But when you have to fight to be respected; then its more than a hiccup, it's a virus and it has to be gotten rid of. 

No boy/girl is worth sacrificing your sense of identity.

If they can't respect who you are and what boundaries you set, that person is a bad idea to be attached to. 

You can't hope for things to be better when all that they've proven to you is that this is how they are in the core of the being. 

That's like sticking around in the desert in the hopes of a summer rain. Possible but highly unlikely. 

The study of blue agarbattis

Lately, I have been going through some trying times in life. Times where a lot of my emotional faculties have been put to test. These times have helped me deduce how I handle situations, people and situations because of people. The prognosis being, I wasn’t a very strong person, I needed only the slightest discomfort to send me down a spiral. And by virtue of my weakness, it was hard for me to find my way back up to that spiral. I lose direction because of a small breeze, I get out of my boat even before I start my voyage if I see a disruptive wave in the sea. It was prudent, cautious and comfortable. That’s it, just comfortable and content, and if I was anything other than that, it was the end of the world to me.

But today, this very small incident, jerked me back to perspective. My sister and I were on our way to an eatery, escaping the piercing heat. There was a paraplegic boy probably my age, sitting on the side of the road with the most pleasant smile his face could muster owing to the heat and dust. He had a bright blue packet in his hand, he ever so slightly motioned towards it. Like every other passer-by, I smiled and declined. And just like some of the passers-by, the wave of sympathy hit me and I ran back towards him and asked him how much it was. He looked at deadpan and said, “जानने के बिना आप क्यों खरीद रहे हैं, दीदी?” or something of that sort, which basically meant “Why’re you buying without knowing what it is?” His polite refusal of my sympathy, turned it into empathy. I said summoned up all the Hindi I could and said, “Because it looks nice.” He laughed my awkwardness off, and there ended our business transaction. I know it sounds extremely cliché, but even though I was just another customer to him, he filled my God-shaped hole.

Being a volunteer in an NGO that helps people with the same condition as him, I have seen many of these cases.  Even though our interaction was brief, from the energy he expelled, I knew he was the rare cases who faced life with such gusto. I have always gotten what I wanted in life, yet I wouldn’t stop complaining about what I don’t have. I’m sure, he too has days when he wonders why life was unfair to him. But it hasn’t stopped him from making himself a valuable asset of his family than a loved liability. It gave me answers to “What if all my efforts are futile, what if I never make it?” It pushed me to find my direction, to escape my comfort zone, to not fear its futility but rather embrace the effort. And the sweetest cherry on top, I got myself some lovely smelling incense sticks.