PSA

When you're in a relationship, you're equal partners, not another person's bitch. You should not be giving up self respect and dignity in exchange for love. That's not how it's supposed to work. Everyone says what it is supposed to be, people more often than not forget to mention what it isn't. 

It isn't about letting go of your identity. 

It isn't about letting yourself be disrespected just for the sake of all the emotions you've invested. 

Will there be a few hiccups? That's only natural.  But when you have to fight to be respected; then its more than a hiccup, it's a virus and it has to be gotten rid of. 

No boy/girl is worth sacrificing your sense of identity.

If they can't respect who you are and what boundaries you set, that person is a bad idea to be attached to. 

You can't hope for things to be better when all that they've proven to you is that this is how they are in the core of the being. 

That's like sticking around in the desert in the hopes of a summer rain. Possible but highly unlikely. 

The study of blue agarbattis

Lately, I have been going through some trying times in life. Times where a lot of my emotional faculties have been put to test. These times have helped me deduce how I handle situations, people and situations because of people. The prognosis being, I wasn’t a very strong person, I needed only the slightest discomfort to send me down a spiral. And by virtue of my weakness, it was hard for me to find my way back up to that spiral. I lose direction because of a small breeze, I get out of my boat even before I start my voyage if I see a disruptive wave in the sea. It was prudent, cautious and comfortable. That’s it, just comfortable and content, and if I was anything other than that, it was the end of the world to me.

But today, this very small incident, jerked me back to perspective. My sister and I were on our way to an eatery, escaping the piercing heat. There was a paraplegic boy probably my age, sitting on the side of the road with the most pleasant smile his face could muster owing to the heat and dust. He had a bright blue packet in his hand, he ever so slightly motioned towards it. Like every other passer-by, I smiled and declined. And just like some of the passers-by, the wave of sympathy hit me and I ran back towards him and asked him how much it was. He looked at deadpan and said, “जानने के बिना आप क्यों खरीद रहे हैं, दीदी?” or something of that sort, which basically meant “Why’re you buying without knowing what it is?” His polite refusal of my sympathy, turned it into empathy. I said summoned up all the Hindi I could and said, “Because it looks nice.” He laughed my awkwardness off, and there ended our business transaction. I know it sounds extremely cliché, but even though I was just another customer to him, he filled my God-shaped hole.

Being a volunteer in an NGO that helps people with the same condition as him, I have seen many of these cases.  Even though our interaction was brief, from the energy he expelled, I knew he was the rare cases who faced life with such gusto. I have always gotten what I wanted in life, yet I wouldn’t stop complaining about what I don’t have. I’m sure, he too has days when he wonders why life was unfair to him. But it hasn’t stopped him from making himself a valuable asset of his family than a loved liability. It gave me answers to “What if all my efforts are futile, what if I never make it?” It pushed me to find my direction, to escape my comfort zone, to not fear its futility but rather embrace the effort. And the sweetest cherry on top, I got myself some lovely smelling incense sticks.

Woe is to the Mime

The Mime is stuck in his box,

Someone locked him in.

He can’t get out,

Someone hear his shout!

The Mime is stuck with no escape,

He is tied by his principles.

He can barely say a word,

For the first time, he wants to be heard.

People walk by, smiling at his charade,

They leave change in his hat.

They think he is doing a good job,

But critical of his makeup, it’s not hiding his sob.

Fool! You are on open ground,

Only in your mind, you are bound.

But the pressure, oh the pressure!

Could break you into pieces you couldn’t measure.

Mime, get out of the box!

Make your own key,

Open the latch with a crowbar, if you must!

Only you can set yourself free! 

On Creation

I came across this post on #9Gag, that spoke about the universe being a single atom, the sun its nucleus, the planets its electrons and neutrons and we are all sub atomic particles. It ended with "as above so below, right?"

Although this theory is scientifically incorrect, given there are a hundred million stars, and more galaxies. It really messes with your brain. When you think your city is big, think about how tiny this planet is. 

I have this rather annoying habit of being lost in thoughts of the universe in its grandest form. And I float in my head, just like a stray planet. With no particular meaning or aim, but still existing anyway. These thoughts do nothing but screw around with your thought process. You start feeling insignificant and you really wonder what your purpose is. 

When your ego inflates to a point where you can start floating like Aunt Marge in Harry Potter, remember, the Universe does not really care. It's too big for that. That ought to do the trick, it's like a pin to your balloon. These thoughts are terrifying, they really make you ponder why you're even alive. 

There are people in my neighborhood that do not know of me! Forget the city, state, country, continent and planet. How am I to make a dent in the Universe if the Universe itself is just a single part of the multiverse? 

Long story short, we are all too insignificant to really make an impact.

And just when I feel as pointless as the first loaf of bread, I remember. 

There is a whole universe inside me, every organ is made up of tissues, which in turn is a cell and that gets further divided into tinier things I do not know of. So what if, those things started thinking they were pointless and they stopped working? I would stop working too. 

That's how I make myself feel better. 

We make our own Universes, we can include whatever we like and let the rest happen. Ours can be as widespread and grand as we please, or as small and compact as we like. And in our Universe, we make differences, 

We let the good energies flow in and let the bad ones get out. Like the big one, ours too is always expanding. But it is up to us to make it starry and wondrous with happiness and love or to make it bleak and dim with toxic worry and hatred. 

And once our Universes have been impacted, maybe just like the body, the larger picture too feels the ripples of the impact.

After all, as above so below, right?

On Everything

Everything is a big word,
Every thing is two small words,
Everything starts at nothing,
Goes on to something,
Stretches to eternity.

Everything can be all the stars in the universe,
Everything can be in confined to four walled rooms,
Everything can be what you are to me,
Everything can be unanimous,
Everything is magnanimous.

Everything hides in plain sight,
Everything is darkness is daylight,
Everything is limitless.
Everything is boundless.
Everything is infinite.

She

She sat on the edge,
Cigarette butt clenched in her knuckle,
She doesn't have to light it,
Just her introspection,
Made her insides blaze

The aftertaste isn't the best sundae,
It tastes like failure to her,
But she also tasted the thrill,
She felt the adrenaline course through.

Chaotic music gives her peace,
That's her, finding the storm,
Getting to the eye of it,
That was her ivory tower.

Exhilaration was what she chased after,
The thrill kept her running,
As the sandman slowly neared,
She shed a single tear.

Treadmarks, Skid lines

In this road that stretches on to eternity,
We are all, but, commuters.
Some have it good in a big car,
Others have it bad, skin against the tar.

They will judge you,
The sun will beat down on you,
You are not going to have it easy,
But then there is always company.

Some are with you from the beginning,
Others you pick up along the way,
Some are just hitch hikers,
You will know the ones that are here to stay.

I guess by the end of it,
You've seen what you wanted to see,
You've felt what you wanted to feel,
You are as alive as you will ever be.

And when you hit the breaks,
You can put on your best smile,
And declare,
This! Has indeed been the finest hour!